I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
