How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
