The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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