we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
