My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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