The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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