you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
