I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
