come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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