you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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