It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
