i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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