I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
