I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
