: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
