Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
