Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
