Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
