You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
