There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
