I just cut my nipple shaving
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
