I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
