I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
