i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
