my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
