I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
