I don't usually arrange sex via text message
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just found a bag of teeth...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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