My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
