I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
