that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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