do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
