I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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