The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
