When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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