girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize