If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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