we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
