He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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