just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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