Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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