Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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