Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
