I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
