so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
