PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
