I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
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I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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