textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
