Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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