Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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