i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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