I think I died a long time ago.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
