My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
