The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
