mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
