fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
