Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
