I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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